You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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