I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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