dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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