are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
