I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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