they need to just BURY HIM!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
