I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
