We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize