Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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