Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You left your phone here
Wait...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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