I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
