I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
