Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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