we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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