So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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