I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
