someone threw a dead crab at me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
