The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
