Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
