never play flip cup with pint glasses
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
