Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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