I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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