member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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