I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
