There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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