If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
