Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
