He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
