Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
