i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm always down for nudity.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
