Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
