He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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