dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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