She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
