Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
