I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize