Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
