I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
