so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Randomize
