So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
