just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
bring money and cleavage
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
