question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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