Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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