Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize