anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
