so that wasnt chicken after all
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize