so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
