You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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