I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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