he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
