Your face is a jimmy john
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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