Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
