could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
