Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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