clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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