I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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