I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
