Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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