Tell her she can't have a vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
