I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
