Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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