Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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