But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize