guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
