He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
