Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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