doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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