if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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