i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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