I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He better not be in your backpack
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
