My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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