Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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