guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
