While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
