So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
