just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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