I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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