C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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