i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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