i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
