Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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